The constant repetitive ringing

Inside of my head has heightened so much

That I can’t distinguish anymore

Between the incidents of the

Past or the present.

To cease this repetitive ringing

I write out a lament in Letraset

On lost feelings, past memories,

Unreturned affection, phone calls,

Lingering remnants of the people lost

In blue metal flumes,

All that I attest,

All that I resent.

In apropos to the lament

I am unbecoming all the people

I have been over the years,

Going back on all my slants on all the

New age crap on neo – Libertinism,

How nothing feels static anymore;

Everything around me, everyone around me

It seems so prone to change, so fleeting

My disdain for the notion

How an artist needs

To suffer for their art.

In this Anthropocene age,

Where frivolous conversations

And a relentless fog of belligerence

Run rampant.

I have spent way too many

Febrile hours

On vernacular balconies

And parties doomscrolling

Enthralled on barbiturates

Or in a meandering dalliance

With emotionally unavailable women.

This whole past year

I have blurred and burnt through

So many vicarious emotions

Maybe vicarious is not the right word here,

Think how it would feel if you had a scalpel

Plunged perpetually in your pulmonary artery,

Then think of the opposite

Of being stabbed in your quadriceps

In a foreign road,

Then keep thinking until you

Start feeling disjointed

Then give up.

I have spent my whole postpubescent years

Turning all my resentments inwards

Which has now caused

My memories to waver in-between

A distilled nightmare

A dream so perfect

Harbouring the places and the people

I have ever yearned for

A nightmare so real

That I let myself get caught up in it.

Only for it to slip away

And no longer seem

As endlessly pleasant or dewy-eyed

As it did in that split-second visceral moment.

With the street lights flickering on

In a stalemate,

I have grown overly sentimental

And as I slowly start to lose consciousness

A veil that turned bright fuchsia

While back, that reminds me

How it’s okay for things and

People to not come back

Eventually, they all will-